New Year's Eve Party For Those My Age...

Are you making plans

for New Year's Eve?

I use to be the life

of every New Year's Eve party,

but things changed.

I got older.

I go to sleep earlier.

Drinking and driving

ain't as popular

as it use to be.

I am afraid that my

alcohol induced memory lapses

could extend into full blown

alzheimers.

I would have to wear

a Depends or run to

the bathroom every five minutes.

I have to put my glasses on

to see who is groping me.

Nobody asks for my ID anymore...

they ask for my AARP card.

I don't like to repeat myself

four or five times

so that my friends can hear me.

That little elastic strap

which holds on the party hat

cuts into my double chin.

Every man in the room

has nose hair and ear hair.

Somebody always spikes

the punch 

with Geritol!