Thursday, October 15, 2009

Getting Old!





It suddenly hit me that I am getting old. Something is happening to me that has never happened before!  No, it is not the fact that…


…my ass has become as wide as a barn
…my boobs could  be mistaken for my knee caps 
…my tummy looks like I swallowed a watermelon seed
…my hair is sprouting some gray despite Miss Clairol #6
…my thighs rubbing together could provide enough sparks for a whole troop of Boy Scouts
…shaving my legs only for major holidays has become way too much of a hassle
…I am trifocally challenged and have a pair of glasses for reading, a pair of glasses for driving and a pair of glasses for watching tv
…I recognize everything in the antique store as favorite items from my youth
…I only dress for comfort and manage to dress up the same pair of sweat pants for retirement parties, wakes and funerals 
   (whatever happened to keg parties, showers and weddings?)
…sex is now a thing that only happens in the hallway when my husband
   greets me with “screw you” and I say “no, screw you”


No, it is not any of those things that make me realize that I am getting old! It is the fact that I am now making grammatical and spelling errors.


I ain’t never done that befour in my live?

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Buddha Is Navigatin'





You feel like you gotta  change your luck?
Change your Karma?
Change your life?
Change your future?


I ain’t takin no chances!
Givin’ a lift,
Givin’ a hand,
Givin’ a break!


You gotta do all the things that are right…
Care for your neighbor,
Care for the poor,
Care for others more than yourself.


You gotta get down on your knees and pray for faith…
Pray for Obama,
Pray for peace,
Pray for no more war.


You gotta help those that ain’t got nothing’…
Need a job,
Need a ride,
Need health insurance.


You feel like you gotta change your luck?
Change your Karma?
Change your life?
Change your future?


I ain’t takin’ no chances!
Givin' a lift,
Givin' a hand,
Givin' a break!


You gotta get back to bein’ human…
Reach upward,
Reach down,
Reach out.


You gotta remember where you came from…
Remember your roots,
Remember your manners,
Remember your verses.


You gotta lose that snotty attitude…
Break down,
Break out,
Break free.


I ain’t takin no chances!
Jesus is drivin’,
Buddha is navigatin’,
Mother Earth is watchin‘!


Need a ride?





Monday, October 5, 2009

Just Me And My Hero...





It was unbelievably bright. The autumn moon was as full as the belly of the deer feeding from the lowest branches. Stars were on full duty…twinkling on demand and flashing her orbs of stellar proportions. 


The highway was lonesome…as always.  Driving for an hour upon hour without meeting oncoming headlights was not unusual.  Driving without headlights was a local art.  Roll down the windows, turn off the lights and roll through the totally quiet night…just you, your car and the dessert mountains bathed in blue moonlight.


This particular night, My Hero and I were alone on the road which resembled a white satin ribbon running through the mountains of blue velvet. Just the two of us slipping down that ribbon road in the moonlight.  


Headlights coming up fast behind us ended our solitude.  


With lights back on, we continue our peaceful path on our joy ride through the night. We rejoice as the fast approaching car begins to pass us. Soon we will be alone on our road again. 


As the car pulls beside us, the car slows down to travel beside us. Two males from the other vehicle wave in that country, down home, familiar way. One of the passengers pantomimes a request for us to roll down our window. They probably need instructions as many tourists do. No one wants to get lost on these deserted roads.


As soon as our window comes down, a hand emerges from the passenger window of the car beside us.  In the hand is a revolver pointed right at us with a less than friendly request to pull over. 


Without ever taking his foot off the gas, My Hero thrilled me as he automatically, effortlessly pulled out his intimidating .44 Caliber Magnum and pointed it directly at the opposing revolver which suddenly looked like the dainty handgun of a woman. My Hero said “Fuck off” in that country, down home, familiar way as he kept driving at a steady, consistent speed.


The offending car sped off into the darkness with both men turning to check that we were not following.


We turned off the headlights, breathed in the mountain air and continued our pilgrimage on that white ribbon through the blue moonlight...  


just me and My Hero.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Woman...Protector OF The Night





The top of the mountain was brightly illuminated by moonlight. Coyotes yelped and javelina pigs snorted in the sagebrush outside the glass doors. The dessert sky was filled with an awe inspiring display of stars , planets and reflections of ourselves.  The inhabitants of the isolated countryside had long been asleep with curtains flapping from the night breezes.  


I lay very still and listened.  Sleep would not light upon my eyelids. Ears straining, I would sit up in bed, hoping to hear it, but instead would hear crickets, locusts and deer feeding in the moonlight.


Minutes grew to hours and restlessness bloated to anxiety. Dreadful thoughts were flitting around my head like the moths beating upon the porch lights.  Just as sweat was forming under my hairline, I would hear it…the low rumble in the distance. The sound was steady and sure and grew closer and closer until headlights broke the top of the mountain and truck tires crunched on gravel.  


He was home. 


He would tiptoe into my room, thinking I was asleep, lean over and kiss me and say “Night, Mom.”


“Night, Evan. I’m glad you are home.  I’m glad you are safe.”


“I didn’t mean to wake you, Mom.”


“Thanks for waking me. Will I see you in the morning?”


“Yeah, Mom. I will be here.”




The forest was dark with pine trees overcrowding hardwood trees.  Not even the brightest moon could break through the dark of the land.  It was hot and humid and fog hung like a blanket  in the air.  East Texas night skies are only lighted by the blinking lights of the commuter jets flying overhead.  The air was heavy, still and ominous.  The inhabitants of the rural outskirts of Houston had long been asleep with air conditioners turned on high.


I lay very still and listened.  Sleep would not light upon my eyelids.  I needed to hear the familiar sound, but instead heard only timber wolves howling and tree frogs croaking in the distance.


Minutes grew to hours and restlessness bloated to anxiety. Dreadful thoughts were hanging to my mind like the padded toes of  lizards hanging onto the window screens. Just as sweat was forming under my hairline, I would hear it…the key in the door and the sound of heavy footsteps on the suspended wooden staircase.


He was home.


He would tiptoe into my room, thinking I was asleep, lean over and kiss me and say, “Night, Mom.”


“Night, Eric. I’m glad you are home. I’m glad you are safe.”


“I didn’t mean to wake you, Mom.”


“Thanks for waking me up.  Will I see you in the morning?”


“Yeah, Mom. I will be here.”




The bedroom is not a quiet place. Our bedroom is filled with sounds of the television set with the power button set to eternal. Sounds of rushing wind are replaced with whistles and sudden bursts of belching from the machine which keep his lungs filled with air all night. The motor on the adjustable beds purr as we toss and turn and try to find comfort. 


I lay very still and listen.  Sleep will not light upon my eyelids.  I strain my eyes and ears searching for the signs I need to witness.  But all I hear are the television talking heads and the whir of the overhead ceiling fan.


Minutes seem an eternity. At my age, I am not patient with waiting. I reach across and lay  my hand upon his chest.  There it is! My hand rises and falls gently with each shallow breath.


He is home.


He takes my hand, opens his eyes, leans over and kisses me and says, “I love you.”


“Night, baby.  I’m glad you are okay.  I’m glad you are safe.”


“I’m sorry I keep you awake, Malisa.”


“I’m happy to be awake.  Will I see you in the morning?”


He closes his eyes, reaches out until his fingers rest lightly upon my thigh.


“Yeah, I damn well better be here.”