Thursday, July 30, 2009

What Were They Thinking?

What were they thinking...
when they decided to sell
guns and alcohol
in the same store?
If that isn't stupid enough,
you can even buy them through
a drive up window!
I'll have a six pack and
a 38 Special to go, please...
wait, make that a magnum
and a magnum!

I thought maybe this was
just a Texas problem...
but, no!
There are idiots everywhere!

Drinking and carrying a gun
isn't enough of a problem?
Wow, let's add some stairs
just for the fun of it!

Oh, the combination of
guns and alcohol
didn't kill you?
Heck, let's add in
some tobacco!
And let's make it
an American duty!

Are you a little drunk?
Having trouble focusing
your eyes to read the small signs?
Hey, let us enlarge it for you!
Don't forget bullets...
what good is a gun
without bullets?

Oh, thank goodness...
they didn't exclude us wine lovers!

Been out shooting and drinking
a little too late?
Just stop by here and pick
up dinner and a gift
for the spouse!

Need to sober up?
Just stop by this place...
get your caffeine and handgun
before you go home...
a shot and a shot!

What were they thinking?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Baby Bella Bash!

Are you coming to
the shower?
Better hurry...
we are already here!

This is the party of the year...
honoring our sweet Bella...
daughter of Jenn of Preemie Donna
and granddaughter of
Debbie of Talking Trash!
Isn't she precious in pink?
She's all dressed up for the shower!
Hope you are wearing pink!

This is my outfit for the shower.
I was hesitant to wear it since
Trash Talk has one just like it...
we got a 2 for 1 deal!

I didn't want to overdress though
so I wore my favorite,
most stylish shoes!

I drove some of the girls
to the shower in my car!
We put the top down and
started honking when we
got close to Debbie's house!

Debbie had sweet talked
Cat Daddy into painting
the house for Bella's shower!

Debbie was on the front porch
waiting on us to get there!
Doesn't she look pretty?
She is still watching out the
front window for your arrival!

Debbie has Bella's
baby book by the front door...
don't forget to sign it!

Jenn showed us the pretty
chandelier that Cat Daddy
had planned on installing in
Bella's room...
until Debbie got involved!

Jenn had us all put on
a pair of these sunglasses
and then took us to Bella's room
to see the chandelier Debbie
picked out!

Wow! Good job, Debbie!
Bella, you are off to a good start!

After the heat from that
chandelier, Jenn thought
it was time for a drink!
We had cosmopolitans!

Then after a "couple" of
cosmopolitans, Jenn brought
out this fantastic cake!
I have icing where?

My goodness, that cake made
us a little thirsty...
so Debbie mixed a few
pink mojitos...
a few dozen, that is!

Then the shower got loud
and giggly and we all gave Jenn
our best Mother advice.
This was the advice I gave Jenn.
I don't know what got into me!

All that laughing and talking...
well, we were just parched
and dipped into that
fruity, boozy punch!
Well, they don't call me
a double dipper for nothin'!
Then we were laughing so hard...

We had to run out here!
I don't know why Debbie
didn't trust us in the house!
When we came in from the
pink port-a-potties...
I call them canopies...
get it? Can 'o pee?
Anyway, when we came inside,
Debbie made us wash our hands
with these little soaps she has
made during all her spare time!
Is it hot in here or is it just me?

Oh, yes, yes, yes!
Pink champagne cocktails
would cool us right off!
Debbie, don't drink right out
of the bottle!
What is wrong with you?
Were you raised in a barn?
Oh, really?

No, Debbie!
These gifts are not for you!
Get your grubby little paws off of...
Oh, my, did I just say that?
I don't know what got
into me, Debbie...
you little trash talking...
Oh, there I go again!
If I didn't know better,
I would swear there was
alcohol in those drinks!
Here, Jenn!
Presents for Bella!
Open them! Open them! Open them!
What, Debbie?
Oh, maybe just a little more...
well, don't stop there...
fill it all the way to the rim!
Open them! Open them! Open them!

Oh, look, Bella got a beautiful
little tiara!
Jenn, could you get that
off of your mother's head?
Who in the world had the
good taste to bring Bella these
marveeeeeeeeeeelous little shoes?
Why, look...they are like the ones
I have on!
I don't have shoes on anymore?
Oh, look...

Bella got a motorcyle rocker!
Get off, Debbie! Get off!

Could a motorcyle princess
go without a pink
mohawk hat?
I think not!
Sweet Bella got a pink
princess phone so she
can call on her aunties
when Mommy Jenn says "no"!

Now, I don't mean to be
rude...but why in the world
would anybody give Bella this
pink saddle?

Oh, evidently to go
on this gift...
a pink horse!
Bella, you rock, girlfriend!

Then somebody (Sue)
had to give Jenn this silly gift!
Oh, yes, champagne cocktails were
being snorted out of nostril all
over the room...
and the laughter began again...
and here we go again...

Thank goodness, Debbie
ordered two can o' pees
because so many people
were there!

looked might nice!

Sue came all the way
from California!
She looks good...
for a vegan, hippie, liberal
California girl!

cleans up real well!
Who knew they wore clothes
like that in Minnesota?

Amy even brought her dog,
Tanner, with her to the shower!
Bella will love to play with Tanner
when she comes home!

I've been looking for Cher,
The Texas Woman, but haven't
seen her at the shower.
She is probably busy posting
pics of her ta-tas!

You know who else is
missing from this shower?
Laurie and Lulu
from the 2Chippys!
Oh, there they are...
good to see you girls!

Bella, Madisyn sends her
love to you!
She can't wait for you
to get home so you two girls
can go shopping
and flirt with boys!
Yes, Jenn! Flirt with boys!

Bella, Tango sends his love to you.
He can't wait to meet you!
He heard you are quite the looker!
Watch out, Jenn!

Aunt Malisa loves you,
Baby Bella!
Hope you enjoyed your shower
as much as we did!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth!

I couldn't have said
it better myself!

I don't know where
this came from...
but bravo to whoever
created this jewel!
If anybody knows,
let me know so I can give credit!
Bonus points for making my laugh!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Get Out The Corkscrew!

Since Lurch's heart surgery,
we drink less of the good old stuff...
bourbon and the other nectars of the gods....
and have converted to wine.

I have always been a lover of red wine...
especially the cabernet sauvignons.
But in the Texas heat,
I want a cold drink.

I recently took a shopping trip to Spec's
in search of a white wine
that I could chill and love!
After explaining to Spec's wine expert
that I dislike a sweet wine or a tart wine,
he suggested several bottles for me to try.
None filled the bill....
until I tried this one!
Yep, it's my new
summer drink of choice!

Here is a review
of this wine.
Thanks Wine Taster!

Tasca d’Almerita makes two very reliable everyday “table” wines from its Regaleali property, one white, one red. This is the white — Bianco — and the 2004 vintage is still fresh and enjoyable.

In an attempt to clear up some confusion: Tasca d’Almerita is the name of the winemaking family that owns the Regaleali estate. Generally speaking, wines made by “the Count” — Count Tasca d’Almerita that is — are referred to as “Regaleali”. Whether you call it Regaleali or Tasca d’Almerita, the wine is the same — and it’s usually very good. The Regaleali Bianco is made from three grapes indigenous to Sicily — Inzolia, Catarrato, and Grecanico — but you won’t see these grapes anywhere else so it’s not necessarily important to commit them to memory.

Regaleali Bianco teases the nose with subtle aromas of pear, straw, and lemon, but the wine really comes alive in the mouth. Fresh, clean, ripe white fruits are tasted immediately, specifically pear, white peach, and a citrusy component that resembles lemon. The fruit remains strong and seems to increase in concentration as it lays on the palate, and stays ripe and apparent through a surprisingly long and balanced finish. This wine’s ample, chalky acidity and hint of mineral make it a wonderful wine to match with a wide variety of foods, especially dishes based on chicken, fish, and pork — I’d also recommend it with Asian cuisine and vegetarian dishes. At around around a dozen dollars, this wine gives you a lot of bang for the buck. A good value.

I'm sipping on a glass right now...


Friday, July 24, 2009

Police Blotter of the Week!

Police Blotter
of the Week

Every week, when I get my hometown paper,
I read the police blotter and laugh out loud!
For those of you who are from large cities,
you must understand that my hometown
is a very small Texas town.

I was amused this week as I received a funny
email from my cousin, Glenda, who also reads
the same hometown paper. This week, she
sent out an email entitled,
Police Blotter of the Week!

What a fantastic idea!
So, I will rely on Glenda's weekly
selection of the funniest item reported
in the police blotter!
Hope you enjoy...
and laugh!

Wednesday, July 8th
8:42 PM.......Caller in the 1400 block of West Elm reported that a bird hit a wall and was unable to fly. Officer went to check out the situation and the bird flew away.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News!

Dr. Timothy Leary
can see the winner!

Dr. Livingston said,
"We have a winner, I presume!"

Dr. Ruth said,
"It is this long"...
but that is another story!

Congratulations to our winner!

Rusty Shackleford

Your gift is on the way!