Thursday, December 31, 2009

You Are Invited To My New Year's Eve Party!

The Renaissance Chick 
is having a New Year's Eve Party 
and you are invited!

Ready for a stiff one?

Here is where we
are having the party!
I know you know your way!

Might I suggest
a limousine for tonight?
I know you will want to impress!

We are waiting on you!

Everyone is here already!

There will be dancing...

and drinking...

and more dancing...

and more drinking...

and even some hanging
from the chandeliers!

Uncle Bob will be there
with his spoiled ass dog!

There will probably be
 some embarrassing moments...

which will make us
drink some more...

and dance some more!

Aunt Hazel will have her
annual fit about Uncle Bob
and his dog...
which will lead to a 
potty hugging conclusion!

There is gonna be some
kissing at midnight...

and I can guarantee that
someone will need help
getting home!

Just try to keep
your clothes on
and my tablecloth off!

And please stay off of
the stripper pole!
You aren't a spring
chicken anymore...

By the end of the night,
I am sure we will all
need  some back ups!

And what a mess there will be
when all of you finally leave!

But nobody goes anywhere
until we see the fireworks!

Thanks for being at my party
this year...
and I SO look forward to
the 365 party days
of 2010!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Belle of the New Year's Eve Ball...

Okay, boys...
who wants to 
pop my balloon tonight?

Guess who is under
this big ass skirt!

Who blew up all
these condoms?

They think I'm smiling...
I'm really trying to 
catch my breath
from this 
torture belt
which makes my
40 inch waist
look like a 20 inch one!

I believe in recycling
but did someone have
to make this confetti
out of used toilet paper?

I don't know how 
I got in this picture...
someone just yelled
"all the airheads say cheese!"

I dreamed I was the
belle of the New Year's Eve Ball
in my Maidenform Bra!

Monday, December 28, 2009

New Year's Eve Party For Those My Age...

Are you making plans
for New Year's Eve?

I use to be the life
of every New Year's Eve party,
but things changed.

I got older.

I go to sleep earlier.

Drinking and driving
ain't as popular
as it use to be.

I am afraid that my
alcohol induced memory lapses
could extend into full blown

I would have to wear
a Depends or run to
the bathroom every five minutes.

I have to put my glasses on
to see who is groping me.

Nobody asks for my ID anymore...
they ask for my AARP card.

I don't like to repeat myself
four or five times
so that my friends can hear me.

That little elastic strap
which holds on the party hat
cuts into my double chin.

Every man in the room
has nose hair and ear hair.

Somebody always spikes
the punch 
with Geritol!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Best Of All Gifts...

The best of all gifts 
around any Christmas tree: 
the presence of a happy family
all wrapped up in each other. 
---Burton Hillis---

Thank you for being
a part of my
happy family!

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Madisyn Says Thanks!

Madisyn and I
want to thank you
for your prayers!

Look how well
those prayers worked!

Madisyn's Mom took
this photo as soon as
she came out of
the anesthetic.
Mom reported that
Madi didn't cry at all!
We are all so proud
of Madisyn...
and so proud of
our blogging family
who were keeping
us in your prayers...
yet again!
Ya'll are the BEST!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Hey, Baby!

Hey, baby!
I need a nap!
I will be back
to post on
Christmas Eve!

Please say a prayer
for my sweet Madisyn
who is having her tonsils
out Tuesday!

Thanks, dear friends!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Nothing Says Christmas Like A....

Ah, yes...
nothing says Christmas
like a gun!

A gift for the 
whole family!

Grandma and Grandpa
have been skipping meals
and saving their money
for your Christmas check...
just so you can 
buy that gun!

Can't trust anybody
to buy you the 
perfect gift?
Buy yourself
that gun!

And don't forget
THAT person
on your list...
a gun would be 

And don't forget that
ammo makes a great
stocking stuffer!

Jingle Bells...
Shotgun Shells...
Jingle All The Way!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

More Gifts For THAT Person On Your List!

Still not sure what to get
THAT person 
on your list?

THAT person didn't like
the tobacco suggestion?
Of course not...
THAT person
never likes anything!

So what is my helpful
suggestion of the day?

Santa needs it when
he receives his letter
from THAT person...

and all your guests
need it when
THAT person
is around!

Give the gift that
makes THAT person...


and more obnoxious!

The gift that makes
 THAT person
finally like your dog...

and finally like
your husband!

The gift that makes
THAT person
feel cool...

and extra festive!

The gift that makes
THAT person
feel like crap the next day!

Nothing says Merry Christmas
like alcohol!
The perfect gift for
THAT person! 

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

For THAT Person On Your Gift List!

Yep, the pressure is on!
You are running out of shopping time!
Being the happy little helper
that I am at this time of year,
I am going to run a series of
 suggestions on last minute
holiday gifts for 
THAT person
on your list!

Don't act innocent!
We all have THAT person
on our list!

You know EXACTLY who
THAT person is on your list!

Ready for the suggestion of the day?

Give 'em the gift of...



bad breath...

stained teeth...

wrinkled skin...

and black lungs!

Nothing says Merry Christmas 
like tobacco!
The perfect gift for
THAT person!