Thursday, May 14, 2009

Imogene Sounds Off On The Stimulus Package!

Sometimes I wonder what this world is coming to.  I don’t understand why people have to talk about The Stimulus Package right out in front of God and everybody! Isn’t there any thing that is private and sacred anymore?

Nobody ever use to even mention The Stimulus Package.  I mean it was nobody’s business. Most of the women in my prayer group don’t even know what The Stimulus Package is.  It’s just not something that ladies of culture and refinement talk about.

Now the President of the United States is on the television set talking about The Stimulus Package!  I ask you…is that necessary?  My goodness!  I bet his wife is embarrassed beyond belief. Personally, I think she should just “cut him off” until he quits this kind of talk!

Now I understand that the government is getting involved! Every time I turn on my Sylvania 12” black and white television set, all I hear is about how The Stimulus Package is going to effect me.  Well, pardon me, I may be old but I am not stupid! I know perfectly well what The Stimulus Package will do for me! And I have to admit that I am looking forward to it.  I just don’t know why the government has to get involved. 

The last time I got a stimulus package in the mail, it was wrapped in plain brown paper. There is suppose to be privacy involved, you know!  Plain brown paper with this simple return address:  

Your Stimulus Package
PO Box 69
Lovers Lane
Los Angeles, California

It looked like any other important piece of mail I receive on a daily basis. And we all know that is was just the right size to fit in my box…my mail box, that is.

But, oh, no!  Cooter, my nosy mailman had to hand deliver my stimulus package to the door!  I was mortified when I opened my front door and all that was standing between me and that howling Cooter was my dusty old screen door.  Cooter was waving the package up in the air and yelling, “Imogene, you don’t need this here stimulus package!  You got me!  All you have to do is whistle and I’ll be here!”  I opened that screen door so hard it almost knocked Cooter on his boney ass.  I grabbed that package out of his hands so fast, he didn’t know what hit him!  I locked my screen door and slammed my front door and locked it.  But that door couldn’t muffle the sounds of old Cooter outside laughing and slapping his legs.  That damn Cooter!

Later that night, I was watching  reruns of Gunsmoke when there was a knock at the front door. It was Cooter.  His face showed remorse and his hands were outstretched  in friendship. Perched atop his palms were 2 AA batteries.  

That Cooter.  He is such a romantic.

Cooter should be on Fox News.  He really understands the in and outs of  The Stimulus Package.


Sue said...

Oh Imogene. . .I like what you always have to say. And by the way, do you think that LA address is still good? I'm thinkin' about ordering my "own" Stimulus Package!!

Cher said...

Imogene, maybe you could explain The Stimulus Package to Malisa. I don't think she gets it yet. She still thinks it's about money!

The Texas Woman

The Renaissance Chick said...

Cher, that girl is dumb as a rock!


Woman in a Window said...

OHMYGOD, two perfect posts in a row and both so...divergent!

cherokeefox said...

You're a HOOT!!! LOL

sallymandy said...

Imogene, I'm sorry, but in that photo of you up there, it looks like something's missing. Why are you hanging out on a street dressed in outrageous clothing with a come-hither look on your face? What's with the cigar? Do you need a stimulus package?!

Hilarious, hilarious.