Friday, May 1, 2009

Don't Mess With The Man Who Controls The Box!

Oh, great...
another post from Imogene.

Here is my advice to you.  Don’t ever have a hot and heavy “relationship” with the ice box repairman and then break up with him.  This is what could happen.

Recently, when my old Frigidaire broke down in the middle of a hot , summer Texas  day.  I immediately dialed up Herb, my old boyfriend, who happened to own the only appliance store in town.  He gave me the refrigerator for my 66th birthday. I can’t help it if I broke up with him the next day.  A woman can change her mind, can’t she?

When Herb answered the phone, I said, “Herb, get over here quick! My box is getting hot!


Can you believe that?  Well, he did! So I dialed him right back up!  I spoke very slowly just in case Herb hadn’t heard me the first time. 

I said, “HERB, this is I-MO-GENE. You need to HUR-REE over here, because my STUFF is SPOIL-ING and its starting to STINK in here!”


That son-of-a-biscuit! I swear nobody hangs up on me twice! Usually, nobody  hangs up on me but once, but I was giving Herb the benefit of the doubt, because I was thinking that his hearing aid might be needing a new battery. But I am not a slow learner. I was beginning to think that Herb was getting a little pissy with me. Paybacks are hell, you know?  So I decided to talk real sweet to him this time.  I dialed him up again.

Using my sexiest voice, I said, “Herb, can you come over here sweetie? Its gettin’ so hot, my meat is drippin’ and puddlin’ up on the floor!”


I was trying to dislodge my foot from the wall while dialing that son-of-a-bitch back, when the damn doorbell rang.

I opened the door and there stood Herb…a screwdriver in one hand and ,well, I won’t tell you what he had in the other hand. I’ll just tell you one thing.

My icebox has never run smoother.


Teresa said...

Oh my I MO GENE!! I swear girl, the stuff that you do! Keep 'em comin' Imogene! And do keep tellin' us 'bout it too. You make my day!

Big Hugs,

Sue said...

Imogene, I'm so glad you made Malisa let you post, totally awesome story. I like "hot and hebby" repairmen man like Herb, especially when they come to your door with tools in hand!

ann said...

i want to know one thing Tex,where is your Texas Pride button and your cowgirl button?
I found another Texan ye-haaaaaaaaaaa.I am a Texan also.we have found quite a few of us.please come to my blog and pick up your Texas Pride button from me and your Cowgirl button from Ms Dixie.
love the story.i'll be back...ann

trash talk said...

You gotta love a man who can help firm up your jello. What I want to know is dija pay him in cold, hard cash or were you forced to work it off. Debbie

Woman in a Window said...

ohmygod, you are INCORRIGIBLE - yup, beyond reform!

Susie Jefferson said...

X-rated post, lol lol lol - it just gets better!

sallymandy said...

Imogene, you have one badass attitude, girlfriend. At 66, no less.

Kristin said...

I love it! My first good laugh today!