It suddenly hit me that I am getting old. Something is happening to me that has never happened before! No, it is not the fact that…
…my ass has become as wide as a barn
…my boobs could be mistaken for my knee caps
…my tummy looks like I swallowed a watermelon seed
…my hair is sprouting some gray despite Miss Clairol #6
…my thighs rubbing together could provide enough sparks for a whole troop of Boy Scouts
…shaving my legs only for major holidays has become way too much of a hassle
…I am trifocally challenged and have a pair of glasses for reading, a pair of glasses for driving and a pair of glasses for watching tv
…I recognize everything in the antique store as favorite items from my youth
…I only dress for comfort and manage to dress up the same pair of sweat pants for retirement parties, wakes and funerals
(whatever happened to keg parties, showers and weddings?)
…sex is now a thing that only happens in the hallway when my husband
greets me with “screw you” and I say “no, screw you”
No, it is not any of those things that make me realize that I am getting old! It is the fact that I am now making grammatical and spelling errors.
I ain’t never done that befour in my live?