Are you making plans
for New Year's Eve?
I use to be the life
of every New Year's Eve party,
but things changed.
I got older.
I go to sleep earlier.
Drinking and driving
ain't as popular
as it use to be.
I am afraid that my
alcohol induced memory lapses
could extend into full blown
alzheimers.
I would have to wear
a Depends or run to
the bathroom every five minutes.
I have to put my glasses on
to see who is groping me.
Nobody asks for my ID anymore...
they ask for my AARP card.
I don't like to repeat myself
four or five times
so that my friends can hear me.
That little elastic strap
which holds on the party hat
cuts into my double chin.
Every man in the room
has nose hair and ear hair.
Somebody always spikes
the punch
with Geritol!
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